


Before You Fall

by winter_scldier



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has Chronic Pain (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Disabled!Crowley, Hurt Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Pre-Fall (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 12:52:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19812697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_scldier/pseuds/winter_scldier
Summary: I didn't mean to fall...I just sort of...hung around the wrong people





	1. Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the "Crowley was the archangel Raphael" theory, so in the beginning, Gabriel will be referring to him as Raphael. He will be the demon known as Crowley again by the end. Hope you enjoy! :)

_"Gabriel?" Raphael asked as he finished putting a star in its place. "Why are we stuck up here alone while the other Angels have all the fun?" Gabriel sighed but offered a pity smile. "Because we're archangels Raphael. The Almighty trusts us with crafting the galaxy while the common angels get the planet ready for the humans."_

_Raphael found himself distracted by an angel in the garden, missing what Gabriel was saying. There was a blonde angel he had never seen before resting near a creek who had caught his attention._

_"Who's that?" he asked nodding in the angels direction. Gabriel glanced down and studied him. "That would be the angel Aziraphale. He will be one of the soldiers in charge of the Eastern Gate when we're finished, charged with guarding the humans indefinitely. Poor bastard," Gabriel shook his head before turning his attention back to the star he was making. "You should be careful with your questions, Raphael. Nothing good comes from questioning Her."_

_Raphael almost missed his quota of stars for the day because he had been more focused on Aziraphale. After hearing what Gabriel said, he thought about seeing about getting assigned to Earth after they completed it. Much to his dismay, Gabriel laughed at the idea._

_"Are you crazy? We're **archangels** Raphael. We don't associate with them and their petty jobs. We are here to create the stars and expand the universe, not distract ourselves with the humans." He turned back to his scroll before Raphael had time to protest. He turned and left with a heavy sigh. He didn't want to be stuck in the night sky with Gabriel for eternity creating stars, he wanted to learn about the other angels and the humans. Being in heaven was one of the few times they got to interact with other angels, but the angels weren't allowed to talk to the higher angels unless spoken to first._

_The blonde angel walked by, struggling to carry scrolls through the corridor. As to be expected, he tripped and dropped everything he was holding. Raphael was immediately at his side helping him, and Aziraphale backed away when he realized he was there. The angels nervous energy made Raphael chuckle a little bit._

_"You don't need to worry," he said gently. "Just figured I'd help you out a little." Aziraphale stumbled over his thanks as Raphael handed him the scrolls. "You're welcome. Aziraphale, right?" He offered a friendly smile. "Meet me in the garden after you drop those off. I'd like to see what's happening in the Garden."_

_Raphael sat down on the edge of the creek where he had seen Aziraphale earlier. While he waited, he enjoyed listening to the water flow, and watching the strange little creatures traveling with the currents. Aziraphale cautiously joined him a little while later._

_"S-sir?" he started anxiously. "I didn't know archangels were allowed to come down to the planet." Raphael sighed. "Call me Raphael. And, I just wanted to see what we were missing out on. What are these things?" he asked pointing to the stream. "Those would be fish," Aziraphale explained, newly confident. "I actually designed these myself. I think the glistening of the scales makes them look a hundred times better."_

_Whatever tour Aziraphale was going to give Raphael didn't end up happening. The two of them stayed sitting on the edge of the creek, talking about their lives up until that point._

_"You know, I used to like looking at the stars," Raphael started. "But after seeing the beauty of things down here...I don't know how the other archangels can stand to look at the same thing day in and day out." He looked over at Aziraphale with a friendly smile. "It's just...so colorful down here."_

_Gabriel suddenly appeared behind them with a disapproving look. He cleared his throat, starting them._

_"Raphael. You should be in heaven completing your paperwork. Not down here, **fraternizing** with an ordinary angel," he said with venom in his voice, shooting a glance at Aziraphale. "The Almighty is not pleased with wasted time. Let's go."_

_Raphael cast a sympathetic glance at Aziraphale and mouthed that he was sorry. The last thing he wanted was to get him in trouble, but he had lost track of time as they talked. He would make sure to go check on him after Gabriel had calmed down and things had gone back to normal. He knew how easy it was to fall these days. Heaven was on high-alert while they worked on Earth, trying to make sure that no sin and corruption made it into the garden._

_He tried to explain to Gabriel what they were doing on their way back up to Heaven, saying that he simply wanted to see the colors. Gabriel just shook his head, and quickly disappeared into his office. Raphael returned to his office, eying the extra scrolls that had been placed on the table. With a sigh, he picked one up and got to work._


	2. Burning

Crowley shot up, breathing heavy after waking up from a nightmare. His back ached and burned around the base of his wings, and he knew he wouldn't be going back to sleep. Aziraphale lightly stirred as he crawled gently out of bed and made his way to his throne. 

Much like every other night, he saw the fall in his dreams. He felt his wings burn and break as he tumbled downwards, before waking up just as he hit the bottom of Hell. If he actually needed sleep, he would be living his life in utter exhaustion. 

Crowley watched the sunrise while he waited for Aziraphale to wake up, the red dawn illuminating the cold walls of the flat. He reminisced on the days before the fall and the life he built with Aziraphale up in Heaven. The two of them had grown too close to remain under the radar, especially with his high status. Gabriel had reported them to the almighty, and he just couldn't hold back his anger anymore. 

He begged Her for answers. _We are beings of **love.** Is it really that wrong for angels to love each other as they love you? _\

God had not taken kindly to his questions, and immediately sent him away. He rushed to find Aziraphale and warn him of the future. They would wipe his memory of anything to do with him, and there was a high probability they would never see each other again. After hours of looking, he discovered that the fall would be sooner than he imagined. 

He found Aziraphale in a cell, looking panicked. On the verge of sobbing, he kept screaming that he didn't want to fall, and that he didn't do anything wrong. He kept trying to calm Aziraphale down and tell him that he was going to be okay, and that he wasn't going to be hurt. He told Aziraphale that he was going to fall, and that he had no need to worry. After telling him that his memory would be erased, a new wave of panic filled the angel.

"What? But I don't want to forget you! You've done nothing wrong!" Sadness radiated around them. The usual feeling of love had completely depleted, and Raphael knew it would be much easier for Aziraphale than it would be for him. Ignorance was a privilege he wouldn't be receiving. Gabriel appeared down the corridor and glared at them. Raphael gave a sympathetic glance and cupped Aziraphale's face through the bars. Without another word, he turned and followed Gabriel to his doom. 

That was the last Aziraphale saw of Raphael. The next thing he knew, they were taking him away, and the name Raphael became nothing more than a distant memory. He was assigned menial jobs in the garden once again, seen as nothing more than a speck in the Almighty's plan. 

The four archangels stood at the gates of Heaven, ready to cast out one of their own. They had no sympathy for Raphael, and had no intention of showing mercy. The ground beneath him seemed to crumble the further they walked from the gates, and the heat from the kingdom of Lucifer radiated towards them. For the first time in eternity, he felt fear. 

"Goodbye, Raphael." Before he could respond, he was plummeting down a seemingly bottomless pit. Screaming in pain and terror, his wings smacked against pointed and jagged rocks for what felt like hours before finally slamming against the cold, hard ground. His back burned as if his wings had been burned clean off, and he almost couldn't bring himself to look. He felt himself retch as he turned and instead of the holy white wings, his wings were dark as night. He tried to close them, but was met with pain in protest.

He felt hands grab him and drag him to his feet before leading him down the dark and damp corridor. His feet couldn't keep pace with the demons restraining him, so he made peace with being dragged. They threw him on the ground of a large room at the end of the corridor where a figure was sitting on a throne. Lord Beelzebub, as he would later learn, had fallen the same time Lucifer did, and they didn't hesitate to treat him with the same amount of horror as they were treated with when they first arrived.

....

Aziraphale stumbled into the room sleepily and joined Crowley by the window. "You're up mighty early," he observed. Crowley simply nodded, grateful he had put his sunglasses on so Aziraphale couldn't see the emotion in his eyes. "Just couldn't sleep is all. And plus, the sunrise is beautiful today."

He often envied Aziraphale for not having to experience the pain he went through, even though he disobeyed Her much more than he ever did. But at the same time, he knew it would destroy him. Crowley loved Aziraphale, and would never be able to stand aside and let him fall. **Even if it meant he died saving him.**


	3. Strangers

Crowley had managed to climb his way up through the ranks after arriving in Hell. Eventually, he achieved a high enough position to learn what was going on on Earth and in Heaven. When he caught word that Aziraphale had officially been given his position on the Eastern Wall, he made it his top priority to get a job in the Garden. Tempting Eve to eat the apple was a lot easier than he would like to admit, but nothing mattered as he slid up to meet Aziraphale on the wall.

He had spent at least six thousand years trying to get Aziraphale to remember who they used to be. They had been in love before the fall, spending seemingly every available moment together. Gabriel had noticed his change in attitude almost instantly. He was less focused on the stars he designed, and rushed back up to Heaven as soon as they finished for the day. The rest of the archangels started spreading rumors about Raphael, saying that he was no longer focused on the Great Plan. The angles began to target Aziraphale, making his life a living hell every time his _precious archangel_ wasn't there to protect him.

After the fall, Aziraphale didn't know why the people he used to be close with were harassing him. The comments and jokes they made about him being in love with someone as important as an archangel confused him. One of the three archangels being in love with him? Absolutely absurd. But something about their comments bothered him, as if maybe they were talking about a different archangel. But Aziraphale knew the dangers of asking questions, so he kept his mouth shut. It was almost a relief when they assigned him a position on Earth where he was able to get away from the other angels.

There was something eerily familiar about the demon that slithered up beside him on the wall. The way his red hair blew in the wind reminded him of somebody whose name he couldn't quite place. The pair got along far easier than an angel and demon should, but Aziraphale could never figure out why. Something about Crowley just didn't scream "demon" when they first met, despite the snake like eyes and otherwise demonic colors.

Crowley was relieved to see that Aziraphale didn't turn him away immediately upon meeting. He figured that after all of Heaven's conditioning on the foulness of demons, it would've been significantly harder to work his way back into Aziraphale's life. But when he discovered that he had given away his weapon to the humans and then _lied_ about it, he discovered that Aziraphale might not have been as angelic as when he left.

And thus, a new relationship was formed. Over the millenia, the two could always find each other. It was if they had a special connection, like they always knew when the other was in danger. In 1941, when Aziraphale was trapped in a church with a group of Nazi's, Crowley shook with fear before entering the church. The holy grown burned his feet, similar to the burn on his back. Holy ground was a torture method they used in Hell, a method they had used on Crowley more than once after not meeting his quota. His heart pounded with anxiety as he waited for the bombs to drop, letting the tension leave his body as the building crumpled around them.

As they walked away from the remains of the church, Aziraphale finally figured out just how much he meant to Crowley, and he realized he felt the same. The two had fallen in love all over again, much to the benefit of Heaven and Hell alike. The two had opened themselves up for leverage should things go wrong at Armageddon. Gabriel and Beelzebub knew that the only way to control the pair, was to harm their better half.


	4. Screaming

A loud shriek from somewhere in the flat caused Crowley to leap out of bed, instantly looking for Aziraphale. He found his angel collapsed on the floor, pulling away at his pajamas, screaming 

_**IT BURNS! PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!** _

His sobs echoed throughout the flat, and there was nothing Crowley could do as he thrashed around, trying to stop the burning. Crowley cast a desperate glance to Heaven, and begged God to put an end to this torturous act. However, he soon realized that he would receive no help from Heaven. Only they would be so cruel to as to do something like this. Crowley pleaded through desperate sobs for help, but no answer came. They were on their own.

It felt like an eternity before the torture stopped. The screaming turned to whimpers and sobs as Crowley tried his best to gently put Aziraphale back into the bed. He didn't know how they did it, but they were burning him with hellfire. The smell of it would linger in the flat for whoever knows how long, and the scars down Aziraphale's back would last even longer. 

Aziraphale stayed asleep for days while Crowley tried his best to tend to the burns. Human treatments did almost nothing, and even if he could treat them, Aziraphale would live with the pain indefinitely. Crowley's own pain radiated down his back as he worked, He felt his eyes well up with tears as he went. He wouldn't damn even the worst angles to trial by Hellfire, much less someone he cared about as much as Aziraphale. No one deserved to feel that type of pain. 

He spent the nights in bed next to Aziraphale cursing out God and Heaven for allowing the torture of an innocent to happen, but he knew no one was listening. It was only a matter of time before they struck again. They were defenseless in Crowley's flat, but there was nowhere else to go. There was some spare Holy Water Crowley kept locked away, but that would only protect them against demons, and not for very long. He had made sure to save some water in case it ever came down to it. _He knew what they were capable of. He was prepared to die before he went through that pain again._

He could never admit to Aziraphale that the water was originally intended to be a suicide pill. And when the two of them started living together, Crowley's whole self destruction plan went out the window. There was something to live for, something to protect. He knew that no matter what happened, _he would protect Aziraphale._

That's why, when Gabriel suddenly appeared in the flat, Crowley rushed to attack him. But Gabriel stopped him dead in his tracks, holding up a clear vial filled with water.

"Don't even think about coming any closer, Raphael," he threatened, holding up the vial. "If you come with me, nobody is gonna get hurt." He reached into his pocket and pulled out another vial, glowing orange. 

Crowley knew Gabriel was lying, but he knew Aziraphale was in greater danger if he refused to go. With a shaky breath he prayed Gabriel didn't see, he offered his hands to be restrained, amd escorted back up to Heaven. 

"I swear...if you touch Aziraphale, you're going to regret ever coming down here," Crowley hissed. Gabriel smirked. "Oh Raphael. We aren't going to hurt him... **You're going to hurt him for us."**


	5. Heaven

Crowley once again found his body burning against the holy ground of Heaven, tied to a scorching wooden chair. Gabriel stood above him with a devilish smile. Without warning, he delivered a swift blow across his face. Crowley tried to hide the tears welling in his eyes. Anxiety raced through him as Gabriel paced around the blinding white room, trying to imagine new ways to break the demon.

"You know, seven thousand years ago, I never would've imagined us in this position," he started. "I thought you and I would've been among the stars, being the pure archangels we were destined to be. But you made a big fucking mistake, Raphael. You abandoned all your friends, all the people who cared about you. And for what? A small and useless angel? An angel who _doesn't even care about you?_ And you're stupid enough to think he loves you? Pathetic."

Crowley fought back his urge to scream, to yell at Gabriel that he was wrong, but nothing good would come from fighting. 

_I loved you,_ Raphael. You'll never know how long I mourned you, how much I cried for you. But one day, I realized that you didn't love Heaven, and you didn't love me." Another slap across Crowley's face. "You only loved that lowlife, piece of filth Aziraphale. He should've fallen centuries ago. You're more angelic than he is." 

Gabriel spit on the ground in front of him. Reaching into his breast pocket, he pulled out the clear vial of holy water. 

"A long time ago, this would've been one of the most difficult things I would've ever had to do. But now, I think I actually might enjoy this."

Crowley cowered away, but his restraints held him in place as Gabriel dripped the water across his hands and arms. He tried with all his might to keep in his screams, to hide the pain, but it was no use. Tears streamed down his cheeks as the water burned into his skin, prayers racing through his mind as Gabriel laughed. 

"You think she can hear you? Even if she could, she wouldn't help a demon like you anyway."

The vial had a never ending stream of the burning water, and it wasn't long before his arms were covered in scars. Gentle smoke floated around him as the holy water burned through him, and Crowley was too weak to scream anymore. Gabriel sighed, disappointed with the lack of a reaction. With one final blow, the chair tipped over, and Crowley was left lying limply on the bright white floor. In his semi-conscious state, he sobbed for Aziraphale before falling unconscious as the burns turned into permanent scars.


	6. In the Garden

Raphael enjoyed the feeling of the foreign ground on his feet. Aziraphale called the bright green material "grass", and told him about the many wonderful aspect of it. Raphael particularly enjoyed the smell left in the air after it was cut. Gabriel had been disappointed lately, the two archangels just weren't as close as they used to be. Raphael had started spending all his time with Aziraphale and in the garden, leaving Gabriel alone in the sky, and he was starting to resent him for it. Raphael had no idea of Gabriel's feelings towards him, and he wouldn't for centuries to come. But in that moment, Raphael lowered himself onto the bank of the stream where he met Aziraphale in their free time. The pair had been almost inseparable, never wanting to go to work. Their quotas sometimes didn't get reached, but that didn't deter their spirits. 

The torment of Aziraphale came to Raphael's attention one day, and he immediately knew Gabriel was to blame. He confronted him in the stars after the other archangels had left for the day.

"Why do you force this harsh treatment on Aziraphale?" Raphael questioned. "What has he done to harm you? Does our conversation offend you?" Gabriel let out a sigh. "What I have done and what I desire doesn't matter, Raphael. The Almighty does not take kindly to your missed quotas and wasted time. But it doesn't matter. Aziraphale has been thrown in the dungeons and you will answer to Her."

With a snap of his fingers, Raphael was standing in an empty, white room facing a bright ball of light. He had never seen Her before, and he couldn't help but fall to knees in awe. Before he could say anything, she was berating him. 

"Tell me, Raphael," she started. "How long do you think you could get away with questioning me? Did you think I would just let you sit here and not complete your work and expect to stay here? I did not create this Aziraphale to be a distraction to you, Raphael. I created him to do a job, just like I created you. Gabriel has warned you many times about what would happen if you continued to act foolish like this, and I have run out of patience for this behavior. Goodbye, my son."

As quickly as he arrived, he was cast out of the bright room. As soon, as he got his bearings, he sprinted to the dungeons as quickly as he could.

....

Crowley woke up as Gabriel lifted the chair he was tied to back up. His arms burned from the holy water, a pain that he figured would never go away. Gabriel let out an evil laugh as he studied the scars. 

"Is this worth it? All this pain and suffering just for some useless angel?" Gabriel sighed as he slowly paced around the back of the chair. "You used to have _beautiful_ wings, you know. The white feathers used to perfectly contrast against the dark and empty sky. I used to be jealous of them you know, you were always better about your grooming habits than I was. Now you've got these dark and evil things." He picked up a silky black feather that had fallen on the floor, analyzing it. He scoffed. "Unbelievable. Still cleaner than any other fallen angel I've ever seen."

He felt another harsh blow delivered to the back of his head. Gabriel pulled a knife out and cut him free from the chair before shoving him to the ground. The black wings were forced from his back by Gabriel's foot, and one by one, he began to pluck the feathers. Burning went through his body, but it wasn't enough to cover the pain that seared through his back. A scream was building within him, but he fought it back down. Gabriel was taking great pleasure in his pain, and he refused to give him that satisfaction. 

After he plucked a decent amount of feathers from Crowley's wings, he grabbed him by the coat and lifted him up. _"He doesn't love you, Raphael. You mean **nothing** to him. You are worthless, and you will **suffer** "_

He threw him to the ground and kicked him in the torso before walking out of the room. He coughed and spit out the little bit of blood that started filling his mouth. He gasped for air before crawling over to one of the walls. It took everything in him not to cry, but it didn't work. Sobs escaped him, and he didn't care if anyone was listening. Pain raced down his spine, radiating through his body. Aziraphale was down on Earth, dying from his Hellfire burns, and there was nothing he could do to help. Crowley felt alone and empty in the blinding room. He closed his eyes as his sobs quieted down, and he tried to dream of the simpler times in the garden.


	7. Dying

Gabriel's torture didn't get any lighter. Crowley had lost track of time days ago, but it felt like he had been in that blinding light room for a millennia. The only hope he had to keep him alive was the hope that Aziraphale was still alive down in the flat, but it had been too long. Crowley forced himself to sit up and look at his arms. Tears welled up in his eyes as he studied the scars lining them from the holy water, knowing that if he survived Heaven's torture, he'd be looking at them the rest of his life.

Gabriel walked into the room and swiftly yanked Crowley by the wings, throwing him into a wall. He let out a yelp as he slammed into the ground, his face inches away from Gabriel's foot. He let out a chuckle before grabbing him by his shirt, hoisting him up to look him in the eye.

"You're tough for a demon. I figured you would've died by now. Most demons can't even handle the holy water I've already given you." He chuckled, leaning in closer. "And if you thought that hurt, wait till you see what I do next."

Gabriel dropped him and Crowley slammed into the ground. He was too weak, and Gabriel knew it. He smirked and sauntered away, but he turned around before he reached the door. 

"Oh by the way, I forgot to mention. Aziraphale woke up. We found him in your flat screaming for help. He said that you abandoned him? That you left him to burn? Not cool, Raphael, I was surprised to hear him say he never wanted to see you again though. Guess he didn't love you like you thought."

Crowley's mind went blank. Overwhelming rage suffocated him, and he screamed. His pain seemed to vanish as he frantically climbed to his feet, and charged at Gabriel. He pulled him away from the door, landing a few blows to his head, but two more angels came into the room and forced him to his knees. Gabriel laughed as he brushed his hair away from his face. He took a blade from his waistband and held it to Crowley's throat. 

"You think you can _fucking attack_ me and get away with it? I knew you were an idiot, but I didn't think you'd ever be that _stupid._ Crowley struggled to breathe and fight the angels restraining him. "Fucking do it then. Kill me. I'm not scared of you anymore Gabriel." The smirk disappeared from the archangels face and he lowered the knife away from his throat. He gave him a swift blow across the face and nodded at the angels to drop him. They rolled him onto his stomach and grabbed at his wings. Gabriel slammed his foot onto his spine, and it felt like his back shattered. 

Gabriel drizzled holy water across his wings and back and dropped the vile by his face. Crowley felt the water scarring up, but he didn't care anymore. With Aziraphale gone, he had nothing left. When the angels left the room, he curled up and sobbed. Whatever Gabriel wanted to do next, it would be the end.

...

Aziraphale woke up to Gabriel standing in front of him. Pain seared through his body, burning him with every movement. Gabriel squatted down in front of him with a smirk. 

"Well well, Aziraphale. When I first assigned you to the garden seven thousand years ago, I didn't think we'd ever end up here. You were pathetic, and easily disposable. I don't know what Raphael ever saw in you. It's a shame he never got to see that I loved him more than you ever could. Did he ever tell you about all the fucked up shit he's seen? About the pain he's felt for centuries? How much do you think he really loved you? He won't even tell you about his past, how do you expect to have a future?! It doesn't matter though. **Neither of you are getting out of this the same.**


End file.
